"I'M STRAIGHT"

SOFTBALL COACH SHOCKS LEAGUE WITH ANNOUNCEMENT

Little Rock, AR
October 21, 2005

University of Little Rock softball coach, Becky Shapiro, shocked the nation yesterday when she came out of the closet and admitted that she was a straight softball coach. The announcement will surely go down in history as one of the most shocking ever made in the world of female sports.

"It was time for me to come out and admit it," Becky states. "I just think that I should be free to date men and not be judged by it. That's just who I am, I was born this way. If I could switch, believe me I would, but I can't deny my natural urges."

Shapiro's announcement shocked the nation and caused quite a stir within the softball coaching community.

"I suggest she either switch or quit," says Seattle University softball coach Marge Holden seen here. "There's just no place in the high-stakes world of softball for a straight woman. There's just too many high-qualified lesbians out there that would love that job. If she doesn't want to fit in she should step aside and let a 'team-player' take the job. We have fought to hard to allow these people to start taking over our locker room offices."

Shapiro hopes her announcement will not overshadow the team's efforts which is due to play its first game on Saturday. If she is still the coach, it will be the first time in history that a college softball team will be coached by a straight woman.