SPECIAL EDITORIAL:
"SAFETY" UNDER CENSORSHIP SCRUTINY

October 17, 2005
Salt Lake City, UT

The censorship of music artists and proliferation of family friendly paranoia has a long legacy in this country.

In 1963, The FBI began collecting data on folk singer Phil Ochs. Ochs is one of several popular musicians to be tracked by the FBI during their careers (Bob Dylan, Jim Morrison, Pete Seeger and Woody Guthrie).

In 1967, radio programmers passed on Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" because the lyrics reference premarital sex and teenage pregnancy. Morrison cuts an alternative version with more acceptable lyrics.

In 1984, critics call for boycotts of Bruce Springsteen's Born In The U.S.A. after it is widely rumored that the cover depicts "the Boss" urinating on an American Flag.

Now, a song from more than 20 years ago is under attack by the Salt Lake City Parental Advisory Against Free Expression Board. "The Safety Dance," which became a major hit for the goofy, sub-par Canadian group Men Without Hats, is being held to fire. The anthem, which peaked on the American charts at number three in 1983, has been labeled by the SLCPAAFRB as "Persnickety."

A spokesman for the quasi-nazi Board remarked, "Not only is the song persnickety, have you seen the video? It's downright prancey!"

The spokesman recites the lyrics in a mocking tone:
"We can dance if we want to,
we can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine "

"They are a fertile field primed to cultivate nancy-boy-ed-ness in our youth," the spokesman added.

Persnickety means having the characteristics of a snob, an ironic twist. Whose the snob now one must wonder.

Persnickety or not, "The Safety Dance" continues to suck and torture anyone who gets the song stuck in their head well after the song's initial heyday.