OLD BITTY SUCKS OUT BRAIN

October 19, 2005
Thousand Oaks, CA

Phyllis Diamond was simply sick of the ugly thoughts her mind would concoct, so one day she decided to do something about it. The 58-year-old inventor began work on a design for a machine that can suck out your brain. After much trial and error the moody bitty from Thousand Oaks, California found that she was on to something.

The device is simply a really high-powered vacuum that can render your brain completely dysfunctional.

"I knew that with hard work and a little ingenuity I could come up with something powerful and effective, " the grandmother of 4 would probably say if she wasn't rendered a retard by her own invention.

The Brain Sucker 2000 will be available this holiday season at True Value Hardware outlets and Brookestone.