DESPITE THE 90's BEING OVER, LOCAL TEEN STILL DRESSING GOTHPortland, OR
Nov 1, 2005
Samuel Rodgers, or "Shadowchild" as he prefers to be called, woke up this morning and donned his black wardrobe, put on his eyeliner, and powdered his face, and despite the fact that its the year 2005, put on The Cure.
"Its pretty retarded," says classmate Jacob Richardson. "He walks the hallways everyday with that stupid frown on his face bobbing his head up and down to his Walkman. Yeah, I said Walkman. He's so behind the times that he is still listening to his crap music on cassettes. He is just begging to get his ass kicked."
The Goth movement, popular in the late 80's and early 90's, was born out of overweight white kids who thought they were vampires. Once they realized that their endless pursuit of immortality was about as likely to happen as losing their virginity, the Goth's suddenly disappeared back into the basements that came from. Unfortunately, Shadowchild never got that memo.
"The world is all black to me," Shadowchild said in his slow, brooding cadence. "Nobody understands me, but one day I will come back as the Star Warrior and they will all worship me. Every one of them! It has been written in the ancient scrolls that I found on the internet. It said that 'the child shall come from the shadow and he shall be the Star Warrior'. Everyone will be sorry when I finally learn my powers."
Shadowchild is no longer allowed to practice his powers at home due to last summer's accident which left the cat hairless and a smell that lasted for days. However, those powers might not be necessary since his older brother has a plan that might just make Shadowchild come into the 21st century.
"I'm getting Sammy a hooker," older brother Alex told us in confidence. "I am getting a little tired of trying to defend him. I mean, you have seen how stupid he looks. Nobody dresses like that anymore for a reason. I know that once he loses his virginity this will all change. He will want to start getting it more often and will realize that girls like guys that don't look like girls. I guarantee you by this time next year, we will all look back at this and laugh."
For Sam's sake, we all hope so.
Nov 1, 2005
Samuel Rodgers, or "Shadowchild" as he prefers to be called, woke up this morning and donned his black wardrobe, put on his eyeliner, and powdered his face, and despite the fact that its the year 2005, put on The Cure.
"Its pretty retarded," says classmate Jacob Richardson. "He walks the hallways everyday with that stupid frown on his face bobbing his head up and down to his Walkman. Yeah, I said Walkman. He's so behind the times that he is still listening to his crap music on cassettes. He is just begging to get his ass kicked."
The Goth movement, popular in the late 80's and early 90's, was born out of overweight white kids who thought they were vampires. Once they realized that their endless pursuit of immortality was about as likely to happen as losing their virginity, the Goth's suddenly disappeared back into the basements that came from. Unfortunately, Shadowchild never got that memo.
"The world is all black to me," Shadowchild said in his slow, brooding cadence. "Nobody understands me, but one day I will come back as the Star Warrior and they will all worship me. Every one of them! It has been written in the ancient scrolls that I found on the internet. It said that 'the child shall come from the shadow and he shall be the Star Warrior'. Everyone will be sorry when I finally learn my powers."
Shadowchild is no longer allowed to practice his powers at home due to last summer's accident which left the cat hairless and a smell that lasted for days. However, those powers might not be necessary since his older brother has a plan that might just make Shadowchild come into the 21st century.
"I'm getting Sammy a hooker," older brother Alex told us in confidence. "I am getting a little tired of trying to defend him. I mean, you have seen how stupid he looks. Nobody dresses like that anymore for a reason. I know that once he loses his virginity this will all change. He will want to start getting it more often and will realize that girls like guys that don't look like girls. I guarantee you by this time next year, we will all look back at this and laugh."
For Sam's sake, we all hope so.
posted by The Independent at 2:33 PM
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