ELVIS SPOTTED AT TOM DELAY FUND RAISER

Waco, TX
October 24, 2005

Elvis Presley has come out after 30 years in hiding to support embattled politician Tom DeLay.

"Look here," said the formely svelt King, "ol' Tom is a good guy and good friend. There are few people out there that keep up with 'The King', but Tommy is one of them. You think you can go through a lot of hookers and blow in one night, then you meet 'Hot Tub Tom' and he puts you to shame. Its terrible what the prissy lil Demo-rats are doing to him. I just couldn't stand for it, so I came out now to let the world know that yes I am alive and God bless Tom DeLay."

DeLay was once known for his partying ways and his late-night escapades earned him the nickname "Hot Tub Tom". It is of no suprise that Elvis and him go way back. Both enjoy shooting guns for no reason and both have a penchant for greasy hair products.

"Oh sure, Tom and him go waaaayyy back," admitted one aide. "We have known Elvis was alive for a long time. He holed himself up here in Texas and has a close group of friends who hang out and eat and drink together. I have never been to one of the parties, but I hear they get a little out of hand. But what are you going to do? It's Elvis."

The rest of the world is still getting used to the fact that Elvis is still here.

"It was shocking at first," says Bill Drum who was working the Tom DeLay fundraiser as a bartender, "then ultimately it was just sad. This is not the young, hip-shaking elvis of the 50's. This is the bloated, disgusting, mess of an old rock star who should have died of a drug overdose years ago. Yet here is, coming out to support Tom DeLay of all people. It's pretty sad. I mean, look at that cameltoe, god, I think I'm gonna go throw up."

Elvis is currently planning a comeback album of duets with Tom DeLay that is due out in time for Christmas. All proceeds will go to the National Rifle Association.