FIRED FREELANCER STEWS BOSS

October 28, 2005
Barstow, Ca

A former news writer for the Barstow Gazette has been accused of the murder and stewing of his former boss, Bill Reilly. George Len, a freelance writer by day and culinary cannibal by night, who worked for the Gazette since June 2005, was fired from his gig with the paper earlier this week. Yesterday, he returned to his former place of employment with a 15-gallon tub of soup... Boss Soup.

The frustrated 38-year-old writer allegedly stabbed his boss with a bowie knife, a big fat deadly hunk of steel popularized in the 1950's by singer Frankie Laine, and then proceeded to chop the 213 lb. Irishman into bite sized bits and cooked him up with some onions, celery, carrots, a few potatoes, 9 leeks, 1-16 ounce box of Ronzoni pastina, 1/2 cup salt, 1/2 cup pepper, oregano, 8 ounces of tomato paste and 2 bay leaves.

The disgruntled employee then attempted to serve his boss to his former co-workers. Luckily only 6 employees finished their Boss Soup before the cannibal crock was found out.
Before being subdued by 17 tranquilizer gun bullets, the wild-eyed killer shouted at the astonished onlookers in a Max Schumacherish tirade, "Hey, remember how he'd always say, 'Eat Me'?... well...

"Look, I just wanted to tell the truth. The truth that nobody has the balls to talk about. The truth that needs to be heard so our country can feel whole again. Journalistic integrity is not something you earn, it is something you are born with. It is my duty to use my supernatural talents in a way that shines a small flicker of light on the stories that get swept under the rug. Stories about Trans Am’s, Burt Reynolds, Eddie Money, and yes, stories about Bigfoot. I tell their stories," the Anarchististic psychopath concluded.

George's article, Len's Lens, had a readership of 68 in the desert town. The writer will be hanged at sundown...by his hair.