"CAMEL CASH" NOW OFFICIAL STATE CURRENCY OF KENTUCKY

November 14, 2005
Lexington, KY

Kentucky State Legislators passed the "C-Note Law" yesterday, officially making Camel Cash the only currency accepted for all transactions in the state. The new law made most of the residents of Kentucky millionaires overnight. Unfortunately most of them don't read, so word is leaking out slowly of the untold fortunes that exist in coffee cans across the state.

"Our people are known for three things," exclaimed politician John Hammons, "deep-fried foods, teenage pregnancy, and smoking Camels. As of 12:15 this morning, one of those is finally going to start paying off. Hell, I am now worth somewhere around $400,000. I don't know how I'm going to spend it all, but I'm probably going to start but I'll be damned if I don't start with finally getting the Eddie Money box set. I have been saving up for years to get that."

Not all are as joyous about the new money. The Federal Reserve for one is baffled by the law and has no idea how it will actually work.

"This officially makes Kentucky the most retarded state of the union," exclaimed Fed Reserve official Ted Muneybahgs. "This just won't work no matter how hard they try. I just can't believe they think this is viable solution to their economic problems. Its so stupid we are going to let them go ahead with it for a while until it collapses. Maybe they will learn their lesson and maybe it will show West Virginia that there Marlboro Miles bill won't work either."

Regardless, for now it really pays to smoke and residents such as Bernice Clanford are puffing their way to the bank.

"This is freaking awesome," Clanford coughed. "I always told them people that one day my Camel Cash stash was gonna be worth something. They's always like 'forget Bernice, just trade them in for the windbreaker while you can', but I kept on saving 'em. My brother traded his all in for a pool table last month, stupid bastard, now he's broke and I'm a freaking millionaire! Lets see your foodstamps take you to Sizzler, Clarence!"

Executives from Camel parent company, RJ Reynolds, couldn't be reached for comment but extra delivery trucks of the smokes were expected to arrive this afternoon.