GENERAL MILLS BOMBSHELL!!
CHOCULA CLAIMS "FRANKENBERRY QUEER AS A THREE DOLLAR BILL"

New York City
January 12, 2006

World famous cereal vampire, Count Chocula, shocked the world this morning by outing fellow morning-meal monster, Frankenberry on the Howard Stern show. Living in relative silence for the past 7 years, Chocula decided to come welcome Stern to his new satellite radio show. Claiming he was in the "twilight of his years", the Count told Stern he wanted to set the record straight before retiring to the great coffin in the sky. Here is the transcript of the bombshell:

Count: "Frankenberry. He was a good friend, although not a great one. The Count, you see, is a bit old fashioned, I was a little uncomfortable around him, you know what I mean?"

Stern: "No, I don't know what you mean. Are you trying to tell us that Frankenberry was..."

Count: "A homo! Queer as a 3 dollar bill. There! I've said it. I don't understand what the big shocker is, look at him! He's pink for crying out loud."

Chocula went on to recount the many times Frankenberry would spend hours on end at the gay night clubs in West Hollywood, partying until dawn.

Count: "It really began to affect our work. I'm a pro, you know? I show up to the photo or commercial shoot and I get it done. I remember one time we were making a commercial with the three of us, Frank, Boo Berry, and myself and we couldn't finish it because Frank was so hopped up on Ecstacy, he kept giggling. It was just embarrassing."

Chocula then went on to describe watching his good friend "Boo Berry" take the downward spiral of drugs and hookers.

"You could see it in Boo's eyes from the very first commercial. All you had to do was listen to the guy and tell he was high on something. I don't think I ever saw Boo when he wasn't on some sort of dope. At first it was a lot of fun, he was light-hearted and great to be around. Then he started getting on harder stuff and things started to take a turn. One night he called me about a a "situation" he had gotten himself into involving some cocaine, 3 hookers, and a mule. I just told him right then and there that I would bail him out but after that, I never wanted to hear from him again. We lost Boo two weeks later. It's still really hard to talk about."

Chocula claims he is working on a memoir of his days on the cereal circuit and plans to publish it in the next couple of years. He claims that the stories he told are just the tip of the iceberg and if so, the book will surely be a bestseller. The Independent News will keep you posted on the release date as soon as we know.