CHUCK NORRIS SUSPECTED IN SUDDENAL QAEDA SURRENDER
January 10, 2006
Afghanistan
The world celebrates today after what's left of the terrorist organization, Al Qaeda, unconditionally surrendered to U.S. troops this morning. News reporters were on hand to witness the stunning display as 20 or so terrorist soldiers walked in a single file line, weeping like little girls, begging to be taken into custody. The Al Qaeda soldiers were battered, bruised, and apparently had been molested repeatedly by what was described as a "snakeskin boot". Even more mysterious, they willingly gave up all of their intelligence, pinpointing to U.S. soldiers the exact location of their hidden bases.
"I have never in my life seen an enemy give up so suddenly," Sgt. John Jakinstein of the 12th platoon exclaimed. "We have been hunting these guys down for years and they never show any signs of giving up. All the sudden, here they all come begging us to protect them. I don't know what it was, but whatever made them do it must have been the scariest thing ever created."
That scary thing just might be America's own, Walker Texas Ranger - Chuck Norris. Top secret documents leaked to this blog show the Pentagon had a secret plan codenamed "Operation Roundhouse", that centered on dropping Chuck Norris into the middle of Afghanistan with only a canteen and a can of beans. According to the documents, this secret operation supposedly was to start yesterday. Ssome that have begun inspecting the secret bases claim there are signs of Norris everywhere.
"Its just absolute carnage," exclaimed one anonymous soldier. "We were halfway expecting to be ambushed when we walked into the base. You know, maybe that was their plan all along, give up some bogus information and trap us. But, we were so wrong. There's nobody left at all. All we could find in the caves were turbans and teeth. It's pretty gross. There musta been hundreds of them, now they are all gone. There's only one person on earth who could have done that kind of damage, and I think we all know who it was."
The Pentagon is keeping mum for the moment about Chuck Norris and his possible involvement with the operation, only publicly stating that the war on terror was won by all Americans. There is no word if Osama Bin Laden was involved in the cave massacre, troops claim it will take weeks to sort out the carnage.
Afghanistan
The world celebrates today after what's left of the terrorist organization, Al Qaeda, unconditionally surrendered to U.S. troops this morning. News reporters were on hand to witness the stunning display as 20 or so terrorist soldiers walked in a single file line, weeping like little girls, begging to be taken into custody. The Al Qaeda soldiers were battered, bruised, and apparently had been molested repeatedly by what was described as a "snakeskin boot". Even more mysterious, they willingly gave up all of their intelligence, pinpointing to U.S. soldiers the exact location of their hidden bases.
"I have never in my life seen an enemy give up so suddenly," Sgt. John Jakinstein of the 12th platoon exclaimed. "We have been hunting these guys down for years and they never show any signs of giving up. All the sudden, here they all come begging us to protect them. I don't know what it was, but whatever made them do it must have been the scariest thing ever created."
That scary thing just might be America's own, Walker Texas Ranger - Chuck Norris. Top secret documents leaked to this blog show the Pentagon had a secret plan codenamed "Operation Roundhouse", that centered on dropping Chuck Norris into the middle of Afghanistan with only a canteen and a can of beans. According to the documents, this secret operation supposedly was to start yesterday. Ssome that have begun inspecting the secret bases claim there are signs of Norris everywhere.
"Its just absolute carnage," exclaimed one anonymous soldier. "We were halfway expecting to be ambushed when we walked into the base. You know, maybe that was their plan all along, give up some bogus information and trap us. But, we were so wrong. There's nobody left at all. All we could find in the caves were turbans and teeth. It's pretty gross. There musta been hundreds of them, now they are all gone. There's only one person on earth who could have done that kind of damage, and I think we all know who it was."
The Pentagon is keeping mum for the moment about Chuck Norris and his possible involvement with the operation, only publicly stating that the war on terror was won by all Americans. There is no word if Osama Bin Laden was involved in the cave massacre, troops claim it will take weeks to sort out the carnage.
posted by The Independent at 3:19 PM
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